Totem
by jeu de mots
Summary: Olivia finds comfort and family following Noah's abduction. Spoilers for Gone Baby Gone. Rolivia.


**Hi all! Thanks so much for the feedback on my other stories—new and old! Here's another for you. Set immediately following that final scene in Gone Baby Gone, so some spoilers for that episode. Drop me a line when you're done and let me know what you think!**

* * *

 _ **Totem**_

If she had to equate the past several days to anything, the only thing she could think of that presented even a close comparison was a nightmare. Not just any nightmare, either; the paralyzing kind. Vivid in its all of its horridness; the kind that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't wake up from.

Even now, knowing that Noah is safe, Olivia can't quite convince herself that it was over; that Sheila is gone. She feels like she is still in the throes of an out of body experience, the only tethers to her reality being the weight of Noah as he leans back against her leg where he sits on the floor, and the warmth of Amanda's body close beside her.

Realistically, there is no need for them to sit quite so close. Fin had taken his leave some time ago, feigning an aversion to all the "fluffy stuff," as he'd called it; but Olivia, knowing her soon-to-be Sergeant fairly well after working together for nearly twenty years, suspected he planned to visit his own family tonight, and she couldn't blame him.

Having the squad here—her makeshift family—helps, and she sits quietly, listening to but not really absorbing snippets of multiple conversations happening at once in her living room. She shifts her attention from her son, happily playing with Jessie, over to where Barba sits in her high-backed chair. He'd relocated there after a while, citing a growing pain in his back, but his newfound elevation did nothing to dampen his playful mood, and she smiles as he argues gently but vociferously with Carisi over the proper way to construct the LEGO robots that Noah had abandoned some time ago.

Olivia nudges Amanda beside her and cocks her head toward the grown men, sharing the other woman's smile when she turns her attention from her own daughter. "Kinda hard to distinguish who the _kids_ are, huh?" Amanda quips wryly, and Olivia chuckles, finding much-needed respite in the humor of the situation after all the darkness that had preceded this day.

She sits quietly then, trying to let some peace settle over her, before Noah's insistent voice demands her attention.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," he declares, and she laughs, reaching down to run her fingers through the unruly mop of brown hair on his head.

"Okay, my love." She looks around the room as she rises from the couch, "How about if I order some pizzas for everyone?" she asks. "It's the least I can do for...everything," she finishes lamely. She doesn't have it in her to actually speak the words, and Noah still doesn't fully understand what happened—-that his little adventure with _Grandma Sheila_ broke several laws and also nearly broke _her_.

Barba and Carisi lock eyes for a moment before both make a move to stand, gathering their coats and heading for the door. "No, that's okay, Liv—"

"We'll get out of your hair, Lieu," Carisi murmurs softly, squeezing her upper arm as he follows behind the ADA.

"Are you sure? It's no problem…" she tries.

"You and Noah should spend some time together," Barba tells her softly as he steps across the threshold and out into her hallway. "Take care, okay? We'll talk soon."

Olivia murmurs her thanks for their being here as they head for the elevator, then closes the door behind them. When she returns to the living room, Amanda is standing, getting ready to pluck Jessie from the floor and pack up to leave.

"Mommy, can Jessie stay?" Noah looks up at Olivia, then Amanda, before turning back to his mom again, and she hesitates; not because she doesn't want them to stay, but because she _does._

Amanda misinterprets her silence though, and offers her an out. "We can go, Liv," she says. Her voice is soft, almost like it's only the two of them in the room.

"No," Olivia says, and when she finally replies, her voice comes out harsher than she intended. It almost sounds sudden, despite her initial hesitation. "No," she tries again, softer this time as she swallows back tears. She smiles first at Noah, then Amanda. "Please, stay."

"If you're sure…"

"Of course," she whispers. Soon, she knows, Noah's youthful energy will wear out and he'll be asleep, leaving her to torture herself by going over the events of the past few days—past few _months_ , really—to figure out where she went wrong.

Amanda nods and when she speaks, Olivia hears the understanding in her voice. "Then we'll stay."

"Yay!" Both women laugh as Noah rises to his feet, running and wrapping his arms around Olivia's thighs. She runs her fingers through his hair, letting her thumb caress the baby-soft skin of his cheek as she looks down at him lovingly. "Since it's just the four of us and we missed it this week, how about we do spaghetti night then?"

He beams up at her, "Sounds great!"

Amanda smiles at Noah as he rejoins her daughter, but doesn't miss the way Olivia pastes a smile on her face as she makes her way toward the kitchen. She takes a deep breath and squats down so she's eye level with the little boy, affectionately ruffling his hair to get his attention. "Hey, little man," she winks and then leans closer, as if conveying a big secret. "Do you think you can keep an eye on Jessie while I help your mom with dinner?"

Noah puffs his chest out, proud to be trusted with such an important task, and nods. "Sure!"

"You're the best," Amanda smiles, nudging his chin with her knuckle. "We'll be right in there if you need, okay?" she asks, pointing toward the kitchen.

"Okay, Aunt 'Manda."

* * *

Amanda perches against the counter out of the way and watches as Olivia moves methodically around her kitchen.

The brunette fills a pot with water and sets it on the stove, turning the knob until there's a click and then a light _whoosh_ before blue flames appear on the burner. She gets a box of dry pasta and a smaller saucepan, rummaging through her cupboard to find the sauce that Noah likes, all the while ignoring the persistent stare she can feel burning into the back of her head. It's as if there are lasers where blue eyes once were, but she doesn't turn around, needing to concentrate on something other than the rollercoaster of emotions that is still roaring so loudly inside her.

And then a soft voice, barely above a whisper, cuts into the relative silence. "How're you doing, Liv?" Amanda asks.

Olivia laughs bitterly, opening the jar of sauce and unceremoniously dumping its contents into the smaller pan to heat. "Really wish people would stop asking me that…" she mutters.

Amanda shakes her head and shuffles her feet, her shoulders sagging helplessly. She had seen that Olivia was barely holding it together and thought maybe, somehow, she could help. But now she feels unsure—comfort was always more Olivia's wheelhouse than it was hers. "I'm sor—"

"No," Olivia interrupts. She finally turns to face the other woman, leaning against the opposite counter. She takes a steadying breath, giving Amanda an apologetic look and something she hopes passes for a smile. " _I'm_ sorry. I'm just…" she gestures wildly, and Amanda nods.

"I can't even imagine."

Olivia takes the two steps to stand next to Amanda, who shifts sideways as both women turn to look at their kids playing in the living room. The pot of water hisses as it heats up and for a brief moment, that's the only sound filling the silence in the small kitchen.

That is, until Olivia speaks.

"If anyone _could_ imagine what it was like, it'd be you," she says softly. Amanda turns to look at her and, after a pause, the brunette meets her gaze. "I can—I can never thank you enough, Amanda." Her voice is low but vehement, cracking with emotion, and Amanda can see the shimmer of unshed tears hovering on the older woman's lash line before she blinks rapidly, looking toward the kids again. The blonde watches her swallow thickly, willing her emotions to stay under control.

"Well, you know we'd all do anything—" Amanda tries to shrug off the gratitude, but she is rendered silent when Olivia's hand tightly grips her own.

"No," the brunette argues, shaking her head. "I could hear it in your voice." Amanda could swear Olivia's lips curled into the barest of smiles before it was gone. "It wasn't just that it was a missing kid, or even that it was _my_ missing kid," Olivia muses, brown eyes piercingly meeting blue—so intensely Amanda feels a blush bloom along her cheeks. "You looked for him like he was your own, Amanda. I could hear it. So," she takes a deep breath, squeezing the hand still held firmly within her own. " _Thank you_."

The moment is so charged, Amanda finds herself blinking back her own tears, and she looks away briefly before meeting Olivia's eyes again. "Yeah, well… You, uh—" she chuckles, swiping at a stray tear, "You'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat," Olivia confirms instantly. Her voice doesn't waver, and she doesn't blink; she squeezes the blonde's hand once more—a silent promise—and then the sound of water boiling invades the small space, and their connection is broken.

Olivia turns back to tend to the meal, and no longer under the older woman's deeply penetrative stare, Amanda takes a minute to collect herself. The concept of the squad being family is something Amanda and her fellow detectives have hammered in ad nauseum, dismissing Olivia's gratitude, ever since Noah was safely in his mother's arms again. But it's not until she leaves the kitchen and shepherds the kids to the bathroom to clean up while Olivia finishes up dinner that she realizes how accurate that label feels; how _right_ all of this feels, even if it was borne of unfortunate circumstances.

She _does_ love Noah as though he was her own; had even witnessed the lightning-quick connection between he and his mother when Olivia pulled him out of that motel room dresser drawer years ago. And she knows Olivia would go to the ends of the earth for her own daughter.

They _are_ family.

* * *

After dinner, Noah begs to watch a movie. And of course, Olivia agrees, because she is helpless to deny him anything right now.

"You don't mind, do you?" Olivia asks Amanda, shooting the younger woman a sheepish look as she plucks the Moana DVD from its case.

Jessie sits in her mother's lap, already showing signs of fatigue as she relaxes back into Amanda's chest, content as the younger woman runs her fingers through her daughter's fine, honey colored hair. Amanda shakes her head and smiles up at Olivia, "We love Moana, don't we darlin'?"

Amanda tickles the little girl, who squeals with laughter as she tries to escape and Olivia smiles warmly at them before her attention is diverted.

"MO-A-NAAAAA!" Noah shouts dramatically as he makes his entrance, having finished brushing his teeth and changing into PJs per his mother's request. He does a theatrical swan dive into his bean-bag cushion on the floor and fidgets excitedly as Olivia loads the DVD player.

"Settle down, sweet boy," Olivia admonishes him half-heartedly, leaning down to kiss the top of his head as she passes him and makes her way toward the couch.

Hours ago, she wasn't sure she'd ever see her baby boy again; now, she relishes in the little things, the simple things. Like when he wants to rewind the movie to listen to songs five times in a row, despite owning the soundtrack. Before, that might've been a negotiation between them, but she indulges him now, grinning as he half-sings, half-shouts along. Eventually, his antics inspire a second wind in Jessie, and the two kids end up dancing around the living room while Olivia and Amanda are forced to sit back on the couch and watch.

* * *

Olivia is pretty sure she's the only one awake.

The credits of the movie play softly—she'd lowered the volume once the kids had ( _finally_ ) settled down—and a small chorus of snores join the song playing on the tv.

Jessie is a warm, welcome weight against her chest and she rubs soothing circles across the little girl's back—more soothing for her, or for Jessie, she didn't know—and she feels deep, even breaths being expelled against her neck as the child sleeps against her.

Amanda had moved down to the floor about halfway through the movie, leaning her back against the couch, and Olivia smiles when she notices that Noah has fallen asleep with his head in the younger woman's lap.

She lets the movie play out until the DVD player clicks and shows the main menu again, and she finds herself watching the looped content over and over, reveling in the overwhelming sense of peace and comfort she feels in this moment. It is the first time since Noah was back in her arms that she's felt any measure of either, and she tries not to dissect what Amanda and Jessie's continued presence means for this revelation.

There was no denying that there was an evolution going on between them, but things had been so hectic lately—even before Noah's abduction. There hadn't been time to unpack the new layers that seemed to be forming in their relationship; no time to define the new depth.

Amanda sighs in her sleep, and Olivia's gaze shifts to the object of her musings, watching as the glow from the TV bounces off of smooth, pale skin. _She really is beautiful_ , she thinks. The younger woman's head lolls from left to right, and Olivia sees Amanda's eyelids fluttering and instantly, she wonders what the other woman is dreaming about. A lock of hair falls over the sleeping woman's eye and without thinking, purely on instinct, Olivia reaches over, pushing it off Amanda's forehead, her fingers lingering to tangle in the silken strands. Amanda's brow furrows, and she reaches up to swat at whatever is touching her, freezing when her hand connects with the warmth of Olivia's own. She opens her eyes and looks over at the older woman.

"Hi," Amanda's voice is scratchy with sleep and she sounds perplexed, as if her mind hasn't caught up to where she is, and why Olivia's hand is entangled with her own.

"You're going to kill your neck in that position," Olivia whispers with a smirk as Amanda stretches her body as much as she can with Noah laying on her.

"I'll be fine," Amanda says dismissively. She smiles when she sees Jessie snuggled against Olivia's chest, and looks down at Noah, rubbing a hand over his back.

"I miss when he still did this," the brunette confesses, gesturing at the child sleeping on her with a sheepish smile.

"It's actually the first time she's done that in a while," Amanda shares. Olivia shoots her a surprised look and the younger woman shrugs. "That girl _loves_ her Aunt Liv," she croons.

"I love her, too." Olivia smiles, closes her eyes, and presses a kiss to the top of Jessie's head, her hand continuing to rub soothing circles along the toddler's back.

Eventually, Amanda's voice cuts into the silence. They couldn't stay out here like this forever—especially not her; Olivia hadn't been wrong with her assessment of the position she was sitting in. Once she has her lieutenant's attention, she looks from one child to other, biting her lip before sliding into a grin. "How do you want to do this?"

Olivia opens her mouth to respond, but Noah shifts before she can get the words out. He's less on top of Amanda than he was before, so she motions for Amanda to get up gently and take Jessie from her. She sees the little girl's eyes flicker for a brief moment when she's handed off to her mother, and then she falls asleep again, her face buried into Amanda's neck. Olivia sits up, extending her arms high above her head to stretch her back before she leans down and runs her fingers through Noah's hair, gently coaxing him awake. "C'mon honey," she whispers, pulling him to unsteadily to his feet before lifting him into her arms. She grunts softly at the weight; she was in shape, she had to be for the job, but it wouldn't be long before she couldn't carry him like this anymore. "Time for bed," she murmurs.

"Can Jessie stay?" She feels the words mumbled into her shoulder and she finds Amanda's eyes in the darkness of the living room, the two women sharing a soft chuckle.

"Yes, baby, Jessie is staying," Olivia replies. Cocking her head for Amanda to follow her, they start toward the back of the apartment. "She's going to share your room for tonight, and in the morning we can make some pancakes."

"With blueberries?"

It's such an innocent comment, and while Noah is still asleep enough that she bets he won't even remember making such a request in the morning, it tugs on her heartstrings so hard that she can feel the sting of tears behind her eyes. She swallows carefully to make sure there is no emotion in her voice when she speaks again. "Whatever you want, my love."

Carefully, they lay the kids in Noah's bed, Jessie first, near the wall so she doesn't fall off, and Noah right beside her. Olivia steps aside so Amanda can give her daughter a good night kiss, smiling when the younger woman tugs on Noah's foot affectionately and bids him goodnight as well. When Amanda stands in the doorway to wait for her, she gently places Eddie the Elephant between the kids on the pillow before bending down and pressing a warm kiss to first Jessie's, then Noah's forehead. "Goodnight, my sweet boy," she whispers reverently.

"Night Mommy an' Aunt 'Manda." Half asleep, it all sounds like one giant incomprehensible word, and Olivia smiles at Amanda, pushing a few stray curls off of Noah's forehead before joining the other woman in the doorway.

For a moment, they stand there watching the kids sleep, laying side by side in Noah's bed like they belong that way.

A few moments pass, and Olivia's eyes fall shut when she feels a warm hand on her back. "He's okay, Liv," Amanda says.

Olivia spares her a sideways glance and a small smile, nodding slightly. "If you weren't here," she confesses, "I'd probably stand here all night." The hand on her back rubs small, smoothing circles, and the brunette wipes at her eyes, feeling a tear threatening to fall.

"You sure you want us to stay?" Amanda tries, her voice uncertain. "We can still go, if you'd prefer to be alone. I don't want to intrude, Liv."

The brunette worries her lower lip between her teeth and shakes her head just once before meeting Amanda's gaze. When she speaks, her voice is a whisper so heavy with emotion that Amanda has to strain to hear her. "You're not intruding and...truthfully? I've never preferred to be alone."

It's a poignant confession and the younger woman is briefly struck mute. "Okay," she finally croaks. Amanda looks between Olivia and the kids one more time before her hand moves from Olivia's back to her forearm, squeezing gently to capture the other woman's attention. "Let's let them sleep, hm?" she asks, cocking her head toward the living room. "We can check on them in a little while if you want."

"Do you want some tea?" Amanda can still hear the tears in Olivia's voice as they make their way out into the main space of the apartment.

"Sure, but I'll make it," the blonde offers. "You go sit down."

"Let me get the stuff out for you…"

"Olivia." The use of her full name stops the older woman in her tracks and she turns to face the detective, a trace of her usual sass evident in the carefully arched questioning eyebrow. Amanda stifles a grin at the look on the brunette's face. "I love your place, but you've got the world's smallest kitchen." She smirks when Olivia lets out a little chuckle, and she walks up to the other woman, turning her toward the living room and giving her an encouraging shove. "I'll manage. You go sit down."

* * *

"The thing I don't understand—no," Olivia stops herself. "There's a lot I don't understand about this, but the big one? The one I can't reconcile…" She pauses and Amanda's eyebrows raise expectantly. "Why even call me?" She asks in disbelief. "She'd already emptied her accounts by then… Noah was already gone," she hears her own voice crack and swallows forcefully to quell the rising tide of emotion that swells whenever she lets her thoughts linger on how close she came to actually losing her son—the one thing in her life that consistently made her feel like all the hell she went through before him was actually worth it. The tea in her mug has become tepid, she's too distracted to actually drink it, and Amanda sits silently opposite her on the couch sipping slowly at her own. "All she had to do was disappear. I wouldn't have known for hours. They could've gotten into Canada, disappeared…"

"Desperate people do stupid things, Liv," Amanda offers.

"Yeah, like let a complete stranger have uninhibited access to their kids," Olivia retorts, shaking her head in derision at herself before taking a big swallow of her tea and setting her mug on the coffee table.

"Don't do that…" Amanda sets aside her own mug, surprising herself and Olivia by scooting closer to the older woman and reaching for one of the brunette's hands, holding it securely between her own.

"It's the truth," Olivia argues. "I _so_ wanted him to have what I never did growing up, you know?" She unconsciously rubs her thumb along the top of one of Amanda's fingers. "And then here comes a biological grandma, right on my doorstep. The only tie to his 'real' family…" She uses one-handed air-quotes for 'real' then uses the same hand to rub tiredly down her face, the adrenaline of the past twenty-four hours or so really catching up with her and reminding her just how tired she is.

"For what it's worth, Liv," Amanda offers, "I would've done the same thing if I was in your shoes. She was a con artist. A good one."

Olivia nods and takes a deep breath, changing the subject. "Heard from Declan lately?"

"Just a regular deposit into my account," Amanda smirks. "I save most of it for her college fund." Olivia hums in response and she looks at the older woman, opting to continue sharing in light of the extreme openness that the lieutenant had allowed her to witness today. "That was just a one-off stupid mistake," she confesses quietly of Jessie's conception. She looks down at their hands, still joined. "Power was out, there was nothing else to do." She shrugs and laughs humorlessly before her expression sobers. "Best mistake I ever made, though—and we both know I've made a lot of 'em."

The brunette smiles at her and cocks her head. "You're a great mom, Amanda."

"Thanks." Amanda stares down at her lap for a brief moment before meeting Olivia's gaze again. "So are you," she says sincerely.

"I think we're just gonna have to agree to disagree on that one," Olivia scoffs dismissively.

Amanda rolls her eyes. "Stop. You are. And that's final," she adds sternly before the other woman can argue.

"See?" Olivia laughs softly, pointing the index finger of her free hand at the younger woman after her harsh reprimand. " _Great_ mom."

* * *

"Maybe on some level, she wanted to get caught?"

It's late now, even by adult standards, and Olivia and Amanda are still huddled together on her living room couch. They've spread out as the night has worn on, and now they are both tucked in against opposite arms, their feet tangled on the cushions in the middle. And despite the younger woman's best efforts, Olivia can't seem to let herself stop thinking about what happened, what she could've done—should've done—that might have prevented this.

"Maybe?" Amanda hedges, reaching out tentatively to put a hand on Olivia's lower leg. She can feel the heat of the older woman's skin through the material of her pants, and she rubs softly in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. "You'll make yourself crazy trying to find sense in what she did though, Liv. It happened, but you got him back. Sheila's not getting out. It's over."

"I was so stupid…" Olivia whispers, ignoring the other woman.

At this, Amanda cocks her head to the side and stares thoughtfully at the brunette. "You wanted a family," she says matter-of-factly. No one could blame or judge her for wanting something she'd never really had before, at least not in the traditional sense. Amanda can recognize that Olivia's willingness to give Sheila the benefit of the doubt was just a misguided attempt at giving Noah something that she never had growing up.

Something in the tone of Amanda's voice calls her attention and Olivia looks up, her tired brown eyes locking with the thoughtful blue of her detective. She lays an arm across the back of the couch, holding up the palm of her hand at the blonde; a silent gesture. Amanda smiles, letting her own hand rest on top of the lieutenant's, feeling a gentle squeeze before Olivia speaks again.

"I already have one."

Amanda smiles but is silent. This revelation is exactly what she and the rest of the squad had been trying to impress upon their stubborn superior, in truth, for far longer than this whole situation with Sheila. To hear Olivia finally acknowledge what they knew to be truth… it warms her heart.

And the fingers now playing with hers? Those were stirring feelings of a completely different variety. She clears her throat, eyes not straying from the delicate movements of Olivia's hand against her own.

Things are changing between them. It's happening almost before their very eyes. The shift to this point had been subtle; gradual. But somehow, even without directly acknowledging it, things feel _intimate_ between them now, like somehow, tonight, they've crossed some invisible boundary.

"Thank you for staying." At the smooth sound of the other woman's voice, Amanda's eyes dart up, connecting immediately with Olivia's warm brown ones. The older woman's lips are curled into the smallest of smiles as she watches the detective, watching her.

"Of course, Liv," Amanda finally whispers. "I've got your back. Always." Olivia's smile widens and brown eyes move to watch their hands, still tangled together. The older woman draws a faint line across her palm from Amanda's wrist up to the tip of her middle finger, and the sensation provokes a violent shiver in the younger woman's body. Clearing her throat, she finally gives voice to what they've been skirting around. "Liv... Is this just… is this about what happened?" she asks, uncertainty tainting her voice. Closing her eyes, she steels herself for what she's about to admit, but powers through anyway, choosing her words carefully. "I want you. God knows I do—but I don't wanna wreck what we have when you're—"

"When I'm what?" Olivia interrupts. She doesn't pull away, but her voice is sharper than it was, almost defensive. "Weak? Vulnerable?"

Amanda tilts her head, catching Olivia's hand and squeezing it reassuringly. "I was going to say overwhelmed…"

Olivia has the good sense to look chastened and she threads their fingers together. "This whole thing with Sheila _has_ been overwhelming," she agrees. "But you don't overwhelm me, Amanda. Quite the opposite, actually. And unless I've been reading this wrong the past few months," she gestures between them with her free hand, "It's not just about what happened with Noah. It's about what's happening now. With us." She looks to Amanda for confirmation, and the blush that tints the younger woman's cheeks is all the answer she needs. She sits up and tugs at the other woman's hand until Amanda shifts closer to her, and her fingers thread through the loose locks of blonde hair that frame the detective's face. Her thumb rubs softly against the apple of Amanda's cheek and brown eyes seek blue, getting lost in seemingly bottomless depths. "This okay?" she asks, inching closer.

Amanda's nod is subtle, barely noticeable at all, and one of the younger woman's hands comes up to grasp Olivia's wrist as the older woman cradles her face. "We—um," she stammers nervously, pinching her eyes tightly shut once the implications of what's about to happen catch up to her brain. "If this is too much, you know, we don't have to...right now...we can—"

"I'm going to kiss you," Olivia says plainly, interrupting her rambling. "And then we're going to bed." Amanda's eyes open wide in surprise and Olivia is loathe to stop a snort of laughter from escaping. "We're going to bed to _sleep_ , Amanda," she grins and it's infectious, a similar smile stretching the blonde's lips even as she hides her face from the other woman in embarrassment. "Hey, don't do that," Olivia says softly. She pulls Amanda's hands away from her face, grasping them tightly in her own as she bends her head, trying to re-establish eye contact with the other woman. "It's just me," she whispers.

" _Just you_ ," Amanda mimics. She scoffs softly, rolling her eyes, even as her body unconsciously leans closer to the brunette's. "Like _you_ aren't the most amazing, beautiful, fierce, compassionate wom—"

The rest of her rant becomes a grunt against the older woman's mouth, her eyes falling shut on instinct and her hands squeezing Olivia's as their lips fall into a rhythm all their own. It feels not like a first kiss, but like they've been doing this for years. She smiles into the kiss as Olivia hums against her and, emboldened, she pulls away just enough for their lips to separate with a light smack. Olivia's eyes open marginally, confused as to why Amanda stopped, and the blonde takes control, sliding a hand up into soft strands of brown hair and reconnecting their lips in a deeper, more passionate liplock. When Amanda lightly pushes her tongue forward, Olivia releases a moan against her mouth, her lips parting without a hint of trepidation, and then the kiss becomes heated, tongues sparring before Amanda slows it down, thoroughly exploring the cavern of Olivia's mouth, memorizing her taste and allowing the brunette to do the same until they can no longer breathe.

When they separate again, panting, Olivia rests her forehead against Amanda's and chuckles breathlessly. "We'll have to do that again," she whispers.

"And again, and again…" Amanda teases cheekily, kissing Olivia's cheek and then burying her face in the other woman's neck. She practically purrs against the brunette when she feels Olivia playing with her hair.

"Plenty of time for that, though, right?" Olivia murmurs against the side of her head, running her hand down the length of Amanda's back.

The younger woman pulls away, nodding as she stands and offers her hand to the lieutenant, who smiles, embarrassed, as she stifles a yawn. Together, they move their glasses in the sink, turning off lights until the apartment is nearly pitch black. At the entrance to the hallway, Amanda leans against the doorway. "Check on the kids?"

Olivia smiles and nods, squeezing the blonde's hand, grateful beyond words for the understanding. "There should be some sleep shorts and t-shirts in the top drawer of the dresser," she tells Amanda, watching as Amanda's silhouette moves toward her bedroom.

At the last second, the detective reverses course, stepping right into Olivia's personal space and wrapping her arms around the older woman's waist. In the dark, Amanda's eyes find deep brown orbs. "He is going to be fine, Olivia," she reminds the brunette. "And so are you."

Olivia's eyes fall shut and she lowers her head so that her forehead meets Amanda's. "Thank you," she hisses, capturing the blonde's lips in a chaste but emotionally loaded kiss.

"Go," Amanda smiles, releasing her. "If you're not back in ten minutes I'll pull you to bed myself," she teases.

* * *

Amanda is asleep almost as soon as her head hits the pillow, surrounded by Olivia's scent as she lay in the brunette's bed, wearing her clothes. She doesn't stir until several minutes later, when she feels Olivia gingerly slide into bed beside her, obviously taking care not to disturb her.

"They okay?" Amanda asks groggily.

"Mhmm. I thought you were asleep," Olivia whispers, rubbing her thumb across Amanda's cheek.

"I was," the blonde retorts, her eyebrow quirking teasingly, even though she can barely keep her eyes open.

The older woman huffs out a laugh, sidling closer to Amanda and wrapping her arms around her waist. "Sorry," she mumbles tiredly.

"S'okay."

Blue eyes fall shut once again and Olivia smiles lazily, feeling the pull of her own exhaustion get stronger and stronger. Just before she loses consciousness, she gives into temptation, shimmying down the mattress until she can burrow against the younger woman's chest. Amanda heaves a tired but contented sigh, her arms wrapping around the other woman and, feeling the steady thrum of Amanda's heart beating beneath her ear, Olivia smiles.

"It will be."

* * *

 **#Rolivia**


End file.
